About a month ago, I started using the app Tinder. If you’re not familiar with it, read my overview here.
I started using it because I was trying to distract myself from heartbreak, which is another story in itself.
Anyway, the basic idea is that it is a dating app, although a lot of users use it simply for its ability to quickly hook you up, mostly casually. If you like the person who pops up on your screen, you swipe right. If not, you swipe left. If they’ve liked you back, it’ll come up as a match and from there you can choose to message each other to get things going.
OK, so when I’m bored, I’ll go through and see who’s on there currently. I’ve met a few decent guys, got Thai food with one, and the rest of the guys either suck at initiating conversation (which is 90% a dealbreaker for me) or they’re just jerks.
It’s guys like this I immediately swipe right (nope!) on. If you’ll notice, his “bio” says:
Be attractive and don’t be unattractive. Be fun. Don’t waste my time. This is tinder, so I’m really only looking to have fun, thanks girls. 😉 I swipe right for: fit girls, better than 7/10, adequate cleavage pictures, nice asses, beautiful hair, good fashion, smiles, pretty eyes, trendy girls, fun girls, tall girls! <3, short girls, exotic girls and a few others.
Ladies, if your grandmother ever asks you again why you’re [still] single, show her this immediately. Ugh. This is the kind of guy I wish I’d swiped right for just to give him a piece of my mind (old expression, I know). Guys like this drive me up the wall. I mean, sure, he’s being honest about his asshole-ery, but that’s pretty sad if the world has come to a point where a guy will get points for that.
I sincerely hope no girl swiped right for him. He doesn’t deserve it.
Again, at first glance he seems like he could be a decent guy, if we’re basing it solely on looks, which, hello, is what Tinder is for. Also, you might notice his name is “Stephanie,” a little weird for a guy. Then you look at that tiny black writing to the right and you’ll see this:
Don’t date this guy. He cheated on his girlfriend. He is a complete manipulator and liar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. One side of me is happy a girl will go to this much trouble of creating an account for her ex (you have to have a verified Facebook account to sign up on Tinder), and the other part of me thinks, hmmm, is this one of those times where the girl is just pissed because she didn’t get her way and is now seeking her own revenge?
Either way, you know I didn’t swipe right on him.
And lastly, Exhibit C. I don’t have a picture for this one because at the time I wasn’t slowly collecting photos with which to support a blog post with. But Exhibit C is the kind of guy whose default photo is of him and a girl, except the girl’s face is whited out and filled in with the words, “This could be you!”
Why on earth do guys think they’ll get a like for that?
Granted, not all guys are like that, I get it. But for the ones who are: they make it significantly harder for the truly decent guys out there. Basically, let’s say there’s a plate of really tempting, freshly made and still warm chocolate chip cookies sitting on a plate in the kitchen. The smell drifts up and reaches your nose. You have to have that cookie.
You grab it, bite into it, and close your eyes, savoring the smell (unless you’re the type to just shove it into your mouth, in which case, this analogy won’t work because of the next part). You open your eyes, look at the cookie, and notice there are ants crawling out of it. Whaaat! You spit out whatever pieces are still in your mouth, and throw down the cookie.
Now. The chances that you reach for another cookie are significantly less, right? Because you have no idea if there are more ants in the other ones.
This is how it is for girls. We get a taste of one bad cookie and that’s it. A lot of us wanna give up.
The three guys above are why I don’t take Tinder seriously, not that I ever really did. I just don’t expect much anymore of guys, whether on Tinder or in real life.
Trustworthiness was my issue with Exhibit B. Exhibit A and Exhibit C just have too much arrogance. Hell, I admire guys who have confidence like that, but then I remind myself there’s a difference between confidence and just plain cocky. Can you ask for what you don’t already have yourself?
The talk I’ve had with too many guys, friends or family, is that if you only ever ask for the best-looking, that’s all you’ll ever know. You might have a great-looking supermodelish girl that you’re into, but unless you dig deeper – and a lot of guys won’t – that’s all you’ll ever know. And unless you open up your eyes to the other beautiful but not necessarily size 00 women, you’re going to cheat yourself of opportunity. Whether it’s opportunity to learn something, opportunity for happiness, etc. You’re shorting yourself without even realizing it.
And this can go for women, too, certainly.
If what you’re currently doing is working for you, then sure, keep at it. But if you’re up for trying new things, why wouldn’t you? Here’s your chance to prove it.
There are so many people in the world and quite a lot of us only go for the good-looking ones. Even if that is human nature, doesn’t that seem a little strange to you?
Who knows what would happen if we no longer only sought out perfection.