1. Be taken advantage of.
“You’re too nice” is something I often hear from both the guys I date and just friends and family. I actually paid for one guy’s cell phone bill when he didn’t have any money. And then I didn’t take him up when he offered to pay me back. I should’ve said okay. He should’ve insisted and not taken no for an answer.
2. Give it all I’ve got right away.
I tend to do that. Put everything I have, emotionally, physically, financially… into my relationship. Even if we’re just dating and not official. I need to stop. I can’t keep short-changing myself because I’m afraid of loss.
3. Go after an emotionally unavailable man.
This is a big one for me. All the guys I’ve had actual relationships with have been in the Army. That’s Mistake #1. These guys, while selfless and total heroes, often have commitment issues or some other thing going on.
4. Sleep with him too quickly.
It’s not like I sleep with the guy on the first date
all the time or whatever, but my dad’s words, however embarrassing, were something I should probably take into account more next time: “just don’t jump in the sack so fast with the guy.” Thanks, Dad lol.
5. Drive an unreasonable distance.
I dated one guy who lived two hours from me. Not once did he offer to drive down and not once did I ask him to. Because I knew he wouldn’t. (This was back when I didn’t have any self-worth.) My next relationship will be with a guy who offers to drive to me.
6. Date someone who I can’t brag about.
It occurred to me, after my last relationship fell apart, that not once did I ever have anything note-worthy to say about him. I mean he was a decent guy sometimes, but I didn’t ever have anything to brag about. So many of my friends would post photos on social media of the flowers or chocolate or diamonds or dinner their SO got for them. Out of our entire relationship, there was maybe one or two things to brag about. And you’re supposed to have all these wonderful things to say about your partner.
7. Be unsure where we stand.
Some days I would wake up and we would talk on the phone or text or whatever constantly. Things would be great. Other days he would barely talk to me at all and get all cold/distant if I actually wanted to do that. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong if he didn’t wanna talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to him. But now I know that I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me. If he doesn’t know if he wants to commit to me, then I don’t want to commit to him.
8. Commit to someone who’s afraid of commitment.
Which brings me to… commitment. Good Lord, guys, why do y’all have such a damn hard time making up your minds? If you’re unsure about anything, tell me. Don’t lead me on and say yeah you want a relationship, then change your mind as soon as you get what it is you really wanted.
9. Be okay with ‘less’ in general.
I was always super excited for him and with him whenever something happened. I wanted to celebrate. When it was my turn for something good to happen? “Cool:)” was all I got. Um, no. Ain’t gonna fly anymore. I want someone who will cheer me on back!
10. Be okay with not doing anything other than going to movies and staying in.
No. I want to be adventurous. I want to explore. I want someone to do those things with me! I’m done with staying in and accepting that all we’re gonna do is “watch a movie.” No.