10 Things I Do Not Miss About My Old Roommates

A week ago, I moved up to Corvallis, about an hour north of Eugene, to live with my mom and stepdad before leaving to teach English in the Republic of Georgia for  three months. (wow, that was a mouthful!)

The day I moved out, my mom put the emphasis on just how awful it had been living with my old roommates for the past 18 months. Let it be a lesson to anyone considering Craigslist as a way to find an apartment or roommates, be careful. It’s like the House of Mirrors on Craigslist. People portray themselves in a way better light online than they are in person. I mean, it’s either that or they’re just delusional about how “clean and quiet” they are.

1. It stank.I’m not talking the stuffy feeling you get when an apartment doesn’t get enough airing out as it needs. I’m talking stacks of trash bags on stacks of trash bags because someone was too lazy to contribute to their part of the chores.

2. It was sticky.
The kitchen floor was alwayys not only littered with food particles, but also sticky, red Kool-Aid that had been spilled several weeks before. The entire time I lived in that apartment, the floor had only been mopped once. Once.

3. It was loud.
The TV was on at pretty much all hours of the day because my roommates had literally no hobbies other than playing video games and watching reruns of Judge Judy. I’m not judging Judge Judy, because who doesn’t love that show, but seriously. All hours of the day? You have a car. Use it.

4. They were always there.
It almost sounds like a scary movie, doesn’t it? But really, they never left. Having roommates who never leave to give you some space is a PIA! No one wants a roommate like that!

5. I couldn’t cook.
When my mom was helping me pack up my refrigerator, she was practically holding her breath to keep from breathing in the stench. She said, “Jeez, Serena, this is a pigsty!” Um, yeah! This is why I never cook! In order to cook, I would’ve had to clean up first, and NO ONE likes cleaning up other people’s messes, especially food messes where germs are involved.

6. One word: dishes.We owned a dishwasher and yet, they couldn’t figure out that in order to have clean dishes, you have to use the dishwasher! Several times, while cleaning their dishes the many times I did, I found dishes that had been infested with mold. I almost threw those dishes away. Almost.

7. The bathroom. Omg.
Is it common that when living with male roommates, they leave their beard trimmings all over the sink and don’t clean it up at all? It gets all over the counter, all over the sink, all over the bar of soap… oh yeah, that’s attractive.

8. Insensitivity.
I came home one time to find one of my roommates painting a poster on my genuine wood coffee table. I figured, okay, well she’ll clean it up if anything gets on it. Wrong. The next morning, I walked out into the living room to get some breakfast in the kitchen. I saw her paint supplies still sitting all over the table. I went over to inspect and saw that there were huge splotches of paint on the table. I didn’t clean it up right away (the firm believer in people cleaning up their own messes that I am). Instead, the next evening when I saw her in the kitchen doing homework, I asked about it.

“Hey, do you know how to get paint off coffee tables?”

“Oh yeahhh, I’ve been using Clorox Wipes. It’s just acrylic, I’ll clean it up.”

I nodded and went off to my room. The next morning, it was still there on the table. Seriously?! Are you effing kidding me?! You don’t just destroy other people’s furniture and then not clean it up! Finally I got so pissed that I did it myself. But there was still a huge splotch of purple paint that never came off, and no, nail polish remover didn’t work. Oh yeah, she got paint on my IKEA chair too. Thank God that thing came with a cover.

9. Chores were one-sided.
Like I’ve been saying, I was pretty much always the only one who did any chores. There were maybe two times the entire place was cleaned by them, but it was always the female roommate. The male roommate never contributed. Maybe he’s just traditional like that? Either way, no excuse. One time, I went to throw something in the trash and the trash can wasn’t there. I looked around the kitchen, thinking maybe someone had just moved it to a different spot. Nope. I just happened to glance out the back screen door and saw it sitting there. Outside. So I went out to get it. I opened the lid and saw that it was stuffed full of trash. I dragged the thing inside to empty it and put a new trash bag in it. But once the trash bag was out, guess what? It was infested with maggots! Seriously, omg. The entire time I was cursing and trying not to touch them. They were falling onto the floor, at the bottom of the trash bin feeding on some sticky liquid that had spilled, etc. It was like a horror movie. Somehow, I managed to slip the bag into another bag and drag it out to the dumpster. I have never had to deal with anything like that before. But, really? Yeah, taking the trash outside when it gets too full is so much easier than just taking the full bag out in the first place. Can we say ‘lazy’?!

10. Sex sound effects.
I’m just gonna say it. At least three separate times, I heard my roommates having sex. That was so much fun. That’s just what everyone wants to hear when you share a bedroom wall. I turned up the radio and/or the TV each time this happened. I should’ve just left the house instead, but I was too stubborn. It was my apartment too, I was paying rent… I had a right to be there and be comfortable. This is one thing I recommend taking care of and figuring out before you move in with someone. Granted, some people get turned on by hearing others having sex, but for those of us who don’t, you’ll only make us hate you.

What do YOU hate about living with roommates?!


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