The Other Woman

What Married Guy Taught Me About Having Standards

Well, I’m just going to tell you what you have probably already figured out. It’s not working out with Married Guy. From September till just about a week ago, things were great with us. We weren’t officially a couple, but we were getting along and things were great. He has the divorce in progress, and we were planning on getting together when he gets back in March (for a month’s leave)… until a week ago. Long story short, I found out he was talking to another girl. I mean, technically he has a right to, I guess, since he and I weren’t official, but I feel like if he’s telling me he loves me and that he wants us to work then he probably shouldn’t be talking to someone else. When I asked him why he’d been acting different lately, he freaked out, which was my first tip off. He didn’t even make an effort to explain what he was thinking which tells me he didn’t care if I found out or not. He reminds me of those guys who, when they’re actually with a girl and want to break up with her, will think of an excuse or act so shitty that the girl just breaks up with him so he doesn’t have to do it himself.

I thought, maybe I’m asking too much of him. But after talking it over with several friends, and my lovely mother, I’ve come to realize that, no, I wasn’t. It’s not unreasonable to ask for honesty. The more I think about it, the more I should’ve just said something to him sooner. He wanted me to trust him, yet he was doing absolutely nothing to get that trust. For my birthday back in October he sent me an elephant charm necklace with diamonds in it. It was perfect; exactly what I would’ve picked out if I were in the store with him. He said that whenever I had doubts about how he felt about me, I should look at the necklace. It worked for awhile, but I still felt like something was off.  Maybe diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but diamonds can’t do your dirty work. They can only compensate for so much.

Was I pissed as hell when I found out what was going on? Of course. But it’s been a week and, after a couple years of this up and down shit, I’m finally starting to see the light. I think I’m finally fed up enough with the way he was acting that I just said enough is enough. I told him not to talk to me again, I deleted his number, and – big move here – I unfriended him on Facebook. I miss him and I think I’ll always miss him, but something tells me this isn’t the last of us. I do always hear from him in the end, and things will be different when I do. Not just with him but with me too. I’m done with the guessing games, I’m done with the back and forth bullshit. I know I’m a catch and I know I’m going to find someone who realizes that too. It’s just not our time right now, I guess.

I’m still not sure how the whole self-respect thing fits into this. Does it really mean you have no respect for yourself just because you keep giving someone chance after chance after chance? I’m not so sure if I believe that. I’ve always been one to fall in love with people’s potential and believe they can change. I still believe that, but I guess I also know that that person has to want to change too. Relationships take effort on both sides and if the other person (aka Married Guy) isn’t doing his share, you’re not going to get anywhere. It’s really unfortunate.

That’s not to say that it doesn’t still suck that he isn’t, or at least doesn’t appear to be, who I thought he was. It does suck. But now I’m at the point where I know the world won’t end if he isn’t in my life right now. That may sound like a “duh” statement to you, but it’s really big for me. I put a lot of myself into him and us. I’m not giving up on us, no, just taking a break. I have a lot going for me, and, of course this is easier said than done, channeling the Upset part of me into Career me will be a better use of my time.

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2 thoughts on “What Married Guy Taught Me About Having Standards

  1. I think this is a pretty standard learning and developmental experience for most of us to some degree. I also think you learned what you could and handled it pretty well. Our nicks and bruises (inside and out) are a big contributor to our overall character in life.

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