College / Relationships

When You Should Get Back with An Ex

My last post, asking the question “once a cheater, always a cheater?,” prompted a lot of responses from both Twitter and Facebook friends. One of those Facebook friends happened to be my ex.

He was my first “official” boyfriend. We were together for just a couple of months before his roommate told me he was cheating on me. At the time, I was pretty shocked; I thought I must’ve been brain dead because I thought we were happy together. But the more I thought about it, the more what the roommate said seemed to be true because of the way my ex was acting. After we broke up, I asked my ex if there was any truth to what his roommate had said. He denied it and seemed pretty pissed off that I even thought he would do something like that. We drifted apart, of course, but there was still that feeling of uncertainty, and it wasn’t until the other night that I finally got the closure I needed.

“I know you hate me and I’m sorry” was the text I woke up to Wednesday morning. I was surprised to be hearing from him but I didn’t hesitate texting him back. “Is this about my Facebook status?” I asked him. “It made me think about when you thought I cheated.. I know you probably do, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t,” he replied. Long story short, he apologized for the way he acted while we were together… and wants to try again.

Needless to say, I didn’t exactly jump at saying “okay!” I mean, I was heartbroken when he and I broke up, and I even told him I wanted to fix things. But now I wonder: when does a girl know if her ex really wants to try again with her… or if he’s just lonely and looking for someone to fill a void? After all, my ex did just recently break up with someone he once planned on marrying. So I would say he’s nursing some pretty serious wounds. His reasoning? He realized I was not only the only girl who never cheated on him, but I was also the only girl who ever really loved him for him.

The problem with texting is that it’s just that. Text. Words on a screen. There’s no emotion and no tone. Everything is left up to your mind and that can sometimes get a little tricky, not to mention drive you crazy if, like me, you happen to have an overactive imagination.

We’ve all read the articles: “10 Red Flags You Shouldn’t Take Back Your Ex,” “Why You Shouldn’t Get Back With Your Ex,” etc. They may seem like words of wisdom aimed at cautioning you against doing something you might later regret, but are there exceptions? Are there times when you should consider trying again? And if so, when are they?

Most people reading this might say to me, “Don’t do it!” But I have a question for you: don’t you believe people can change? Time apart from the person you dated can make you think a little differently. You have to ask yourself why you even broke up in the first place and whether or not those reasons could still apply… but just because they could still apply, it doesn’t mean they will.

Think about that the next time you’re in my position.

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